***NEWS FLASH 2004*** Annan Consults Kerry

Kofi Annan, Secretary-General of the highly esteemed United Nations, announced today that he would seek the council of failed U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kerry, concerning his possible resignation from the U.N. Annan and the organization's "senior management" have been criticized internally for incompetence and illegal and unethical activity concerning the massive Oil for Food Program. Annan's son, Kojo, is also implicated in the scandal, which has been dubbed "Oil for Palaces" by ultra right-wing conservative Christian fundamentalists.

Annan expressed regret over the unhappiness within the organization he presides over, and is unsure of what to do.

"I have decided to seek the advice of a good friend and staunch supporter--John Kerry," Annan said in a press conference this afternoon. "He always supported the U.N. no matter what--even when it conflicted with his allegiance to his country. When American troops died in combat, John Kerry said it was justified because the troops were under the flag on the U.N. and not the American flag. That's honor and character, and I'm proud to call John a friend. Since he would always seek the U.N.'s council before considering what was best for his country, I decided to return the favor and consult Kerry concerning my problems."

With reporting by Jack Wagoner. Copyright AP 2004.