Stop Eating!

It seems that almost everything we eat has some kind of negative side effect.  You can't go a single meal without eating something that will give you cancer, increase your blood pressure, raise your cholesterol, increase your chance of developing some disease, or heightens your risk of dying early.  Reports seem to come out every few months with some "clinically proven" claims, only to be contradicted by another "scientific" study 3 months later.  How in the world can we know what to believe?
 
In an effort to come up with the best way to avoid all risks involved in consumption of food/drink, I have created the Stop Eating Foundation (SEF).  We members of SEF will no longer bow to the tyrannical rule of dieticians and doctors everywhere who would dictate what we eat or don't eat, drink or don't drink.  From now on, we will all join together and NOT EAT A SINGLE THING FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.  Just think how great it'll be:  No more standing in lines at the grocery store or at fast food places; all the extra time we'll have since we don't have to eat anymore; we'll save wads and wads of dough (no pun intended)!  No more cash wasted on expensive food--more money to spend on the important things in life, like family.  Lose those extra pounds, and forget excercising--why burn calories when you aren't adding any?
 
Please support SEF in our efforts to simplify life and make it more enjoyable.  Send membership or donation inquiries to info@stopeatingfoundation.org.